5 Depressing Signs That You Just Can’t Party Like You Used To

1. You Think There’s Such a Thing as Too Many Rum-Filled Coconuts

I went to a birthday bash on Saturday and stayed out way past my bedtime. I also stood and danced on 5-inch heels for way too long. And also, I may or may not have consumed a few too many glasses of wine and/or sipped on one too many giant coconuts filled with coconut water. Oh, yeah…and maybe, what tasted to be, about a full bottle of rum.

2. You Used To Be Able to Party Like a Rockstar. On a Weeknight. But Now It Takes You Two Days To Recover

I’m ashamed to say that it took me 2 days to recover. And I’m still not feeling 100%.

I wanted to cut off my feet and walk around on my stumps. It would have also been swell if I could somehow have temporarily removed my pounding head.

There was a time, apparently a lot longer ago than I care to admit, that I used to be able to go out. Every night. Even on school nights. Sometimes, I didn’t even make it home. I’d borrow clothes from a friend and head in to work, put in a full day and repeat the process.

3. 8:00 PM Signifies Bedtime. Not Party Time.

Now, I strongly debate whether I even want to go out at all. I mean, the thought of having to get ready to go out at a time when I’m normally getting ready for bed is almost too much to bear.

4. You Used all the Energy you Had for Getting Ready and you Wind Up Staying In

There have been times when I’ve actually gotten all dressed, blow dried my hair and been fully made up and then mere thought of the consequences of going out have convinced me to say, “fuck it. It’s just not worth it.” And I’ve promptly changed into by comfy PJs, washed off the warpaint and put my hair up in a messy pony. It happens often, actually. True story.

5. The Hassle of Having to Find Childcare and Then Having to Pay the Price the Next Day Usually Dissuades you From Attending Functions

Then I have to think about child care. If we take the kids somewhere and we stay out late, it’s not like I’m going to show up at someone’s house at 2:00 am. So the kids end up “sleeping” over my at my mom’s/sis’s.

The thing is, they don’t actually sleep. They go to bed super late and then wake up at some ungodly hour. Which means they’re going to be psychotic and whiny lunatics the next day. Combine that with mommy and daddy’s lack of sleep and disproportionate hangovers, and you have a recipe for disaster. A veritable powder keg, if you will.

But Being a Growed Up Ain’t All Bad

Although this revelation may sound a little disheartening to some, I’m beginning to make my peace with it. Partying until all hours of the night was fun when I was younger. And don’t get me wrong, it’s still fun. But only on special occasions. When I can build in recovery cushions of at least a day.

Most nights, I’m content to just make dinner for my family, sit around the table and talk about our day (or be forced to watch some episode of iCarly or Henry Danger or the Thundermans for the ten thousandth time) and then snuggle up all together in my bed and read Harry Potter to the littles until they fall asleep.

So, even though I can’t party like I used to, I’m ok with it.

But there is a bright side to having stayed up past midnight: I already had 2,700 steps on my Fitbit when I woke up the next morning!

Can you hang like you used to? Do you even want to? I’d love to know. Leave a comment below!


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