Cheap Thrills: Yes! Cheap Toilet Paper: No, Thanks.

toilet-paper

I’m not above trying to save a little dough here and there, especially now that money’s tight.

And there are certain things that I will penny pinch over. Like the gas for my car, for instance. I figure I’ve never put in the expensive stuff and my cars (and I’ve only had 4 cars in my entire life) have all lasted a good ten or so years. Knock wood.

Why spend $50 on costume jewelry that will only be in style for 2.5 seconds when you can get the same thing for a couple bucks at Forever 21?

And if you’re not getting stalked by paparazzi on your megayacht, you can pick up the cutest swimsuits at Target or Old Navy and skip the $100+ options at department and specialty stores.

All of these things I’ll scrimp on. But when it comes to toilet paper, there’s no substitute for the good shit.

Cheap toilet paper has several drawbacks. For starters, some rolls disperse all kinds of little fibers.

Now, boys may not care so much what they wipe their bungholes with, but girls have got other crevices that you don’t want all those little bits getting stuck to or sucked into. Just sayin’.

I also discovered that aside from being unsightly, “toilet paper can irritate your vulva and your vagina, especially if you have sensitive skin” And apparently, it can cause all kinds of infections if you don’t use it properly.

Now who wants an irritated vulva? Not me!

Another huge problem with cheap rolls is that they’re like half-ply. Which means that when you try to unroll it, you end up pulling off little microscopic bits that end up all over the floor. When you do manage to unroll a decent amount in one piece and you try and wipe with it, you end up with urine soaked hands.

And that’s best case. I’ll spare you the visuals of describing using it to clean up back-door messes.

Moral of the story: Unlike Trump*, keeping my hands pee-free is kind of a priority for me.

Are there any other items you won’t settle for less than the best? Leave a comment below!

*allegedly

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