I’ve been making a concerted effort to slow down. I had been rushing for so long, allowing my life to zoom past me, only to find myself flabbergasted and saddened by how much time had elapsed. Oftentimes wishing for life to go by more quickly.
I would get to work already looking forward to lunch time and then to quitting time. I’d rush to pick my daughter and then to the train to beat the hordes. I’d carry her as I sprinted up the stairs and then back down so I could reach my car and get out of the garage before everyone else clogged up the exits. I’d cut through shortcuts on the drive home and fly into the house, barking orders to start homework while I started dinner. Bath time, dishes, laundry. Repeat daily.
I wasn’t living. I was merely existing.
And before I knew it, the years had passed. And my kids were older. And I had missed out on so much.
So this past year, I decided I needed to make a change. Because I didn’t want to look back with regret at having squandered away so much time.
I started trying to incorporate meditation into my day. Actually looking at and listening to my children when they spoke. Taking the time to study their faces. Consciously breathing. Just being more mindful. And present.
My husband, trying to be helpful, got me some adult coloring books (no, not that kind. The disappointment was real.) At first, I was super excited. Perfectly sharpened colored pencils. Twirly, swirly shapes just begging to be filled in. It was great!
Until I started coloring. And coloring. After a few days of working on the same page, I became discouraged and frustrated at my lack of progress. I began to wonder at what point this shit was supposed to be relaxing.
I am now filled with anxiety. Especially because he got me a three-pack of those fucking books. And I haven’t even gotten through one page.
Who knew coloring could be so stressful??
What kind of tricks do you use to be more mindful? Leave a comment below. Please. I beg.