Recovering Hoarder

Hoarder
Hi. I’m Elena and I’m a recovering Hoarder.

I used to keep things. All the things. Sentimental things. Crappy things.

I used to collect things. Like Precious Moments dolls. And shot glasses. Even books.

I kept every letter and greeting card given to me by friends, family, boyfriends. Dolls I never played with but kept in immaculate condition for what, I don’t know because I was always playing outside with the boys. In fact, our house was the only one on the block that had a basketball hoop. And I don’t have any brothers.

I kept concert ticket stubs. Movie ticket stubs. Hotel room keys. Playbills.

Almost every “masterpiece” my 3 children have ever created.

Office supplies. Pens. So many pens. I had so many office supplies that one year, my sister actually came to my house to “shop” for school supplies for her kids. #truestory

I kept all of my planners from high school, in which I’d painstakingly record every detail about whom I had spoken with and where I’d gone. I had CDs. DVDs. I even had cassettes and LPs!

My only saving grace is that I’m uber-organized. Like to the OCD power. There’s a place for everything and everything is always in its place. Everything’s either alphabetized or organized by size and color.

But the problem is it’s not just my crap anymore.

My husband collects crap, too. Except his crap is way bigger than mine. He comes home with little sailboats. And motorcycles. Then trailers for the motorcycles.

He likes to fix things. So he’s perpetually at Home Depot or Harbor Freight, from which he inevitably returns with big tools. You know, because you just really NEED your own giant air compressor. Because the “small” one you already had just wasn’t cutting it. Add to that the four or five drills, chainsaws, circular saws, Sawzalls, 3 ladders and myriad other hand tools and that doesn’t leave you with a whole lotta room in your garage.

Then there’s my oldest kid who’s apparently never moving back home but is too “overwhelmed” to take her stuff with her to Chicago.

And finally, there’s my little ones. The ones from whom I have to surreptitiously take toys they no longer play with and clothes that no longer fit. Because God forbid they catch me donating a toy they haven’t been interested in for years or clothes that are too tight, too short, or just plain ripped to shreds.

Also, my son has a very active imagination and he loves to make things. But generally, those things involve making forts out of giant boxes that he insists on building in my living room.

All this to say that I don’t want to keep things anymore.

In fact, I want to throw everything out. All that clutter is driving me crazy. And let’s face it, I didn’t really have all that far to go.

The problem is that I seem to be the only one who feels this way.

I throw crap out, they bring more crap in.

We go to the dollar store for one thing and they pitch a fit to buy $10 worth of crap that will end up in the trash within the week. It’s gotten so bad that I practically beg people NOT to get them gifts for their birthdays. Well, except for clothes. Those little cretins outgrow everything or promptly destroy them.

The other day, my neighbors were having a yard sale and my kids wanted to bring home all kinds of junk the neighbors were giving them and I lost my whole mind. I told them absolutely not! I don’t ever want to see another stuffed animal or foam dart or Lego piece or any other trinket ever again.

When my son asked about being able to bring home something from the treasure box at school, I told him to tell his teacher thank you. But no thank you.

And if she asked why he should tell her that if he brought another piece of garbage home, his mother’s head was literally going to explode. And then they’d have to clean up my splattered brains from everywhere and that only then, would they be able to bring home more junk.

At that point, they looked at each other and decided the cleanup would be worth it as long as they could acquire more crap.

Moral of the story: Anyone who’s ever tried to clear the clutter and been successful has clearly not had a hoarding family.

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$2 Bill Guy

$2

I don’t know why but I love $2 bills. I know it’s just money. But you never see them. It’s like the elusive leprechaun of currency.

It’s so unusual that the last time I got one, I put it in my wallet as a sort of good luck charm/emergency fund. I’ve had the same bill for at least 5 years. Plus, I subscribe to the law of attraction theory…you attract what you put out. So I figure if I always have money in my wallet, it’ll attract more money. (Then again, maybe I should scrap the measly $2 bucks and opt for a bill of a larger denomination.)

Anyway, I mention this because there was a little place across the street from my office that had good/fresh/fast food. It’s reasonably priced, to boot! A definite oddity in Brickell. But my favorite part about the joint was the quirky owner and the fact that he loved to give change in $2 bills.

Even when his wife was battling cancer, he always had a smile and a kind word to share. I don’t miss much about working in Brickell. But boy, do I miss my $2 bill guy.

Take the Next Step Now

Mystery

That was the message my Oracle card delivered today.

I had asked for guidance about my career, for messages about opportunities for additional income and for inspiration for a speech I need to deliver tomorrow.

I believe the Universe is conspiring to bring me all that I desire and that what I receive is a direct reflection of my thoughts and actions.

So often, I’ve found myself dwelling in negativity. Rehashing the past or stressing about the future. But the truth is that I can’t change the past. I can only learn from it. And I cannot control the future because it is, indeed, a mystery.

What I can do is focus on the Now and exert control over what I am able to – my thoughts.

And so today, I will think positive thoughts. I will be still and listen to my inner voice. I will look for the synchronicities that surround me. I will elevate my vibrational frequency to match my desires so that I may be open to receiving all the guidance, blessings and abundance the Universe is sending me.

If you’re curious about what my Oracle reading was, I’ve provided it below. Pretty trippy huh?

If you feel stalled or stuck, this card is offering a solution. It’s time to take action. Even a small step in the direction of your vision will help you feel a sense of progress and hope. You already know what the next step is, as your heart is leading you there.

Imagine what you would do if you had unlimited time, finances, and energy. This is your answer. As you step into the world of the unlimited, your resources come to you exactly as you need them . . . provided that you listen to and follow your inner wisdom. Remember that you will never be asked to do anything that could harm you or a loved one, as your Divine guidance is a conversation of love.

via Daily Prompt: Mystery

I Feel Ghoulish. Oh, So Ghoulish!

Abyssal_ghoul_4E

Me when I’m hungry

Some people get really irritable when they haven’t eaten. I believe the term for that is hangry.

But for me, hangry is an understatement. I feel downright ghoulish. In fact, that’s actual footage of me when I go too long without food.

I feel ghoulish
Oh, so ghoulish
When I’m hungry, I’m in a bad mood.
And I pity
Anyone who doesn’t give me food.

Happy Halloween!

via Daily Prompt: Ghoulish

Uniquely You. Uniquely Me. Together We.

 

Seuss

You are a trademark. There is no other quite like you. And that is something to be celebrated.

You are unique, yet you are not alone in your uniqueness.

Yes, there is only one you as there is only one me. But WE are not separate beings. We are connected. We all come from the same Creator. We are all in this race together. The human race.

And being me shouldn’t mean you get to be any less you.

Let’s celebrate our differences while recognizing that while the packaging differs from one to the next, fundamentally we are one.

via Daily Prompt: Trademark

I’ve Become So Numb

Thoughts

Despite my best efforts to meditate, to be mindful and present, I often find it so difficult to just be. To observe without reacting.

Because when something unexpected and heart-wrenchingly hurtful happens and you feel that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, it can be so challenging to not spiral out of control.

In my head I know that my thoughts dictate my feelings, and therefore, my actions. So how do I stop the thoughts from turning into feelings? Am I not supposed to feel? Or am I supposed to feel the feelings? Let them envelop and destroy me so I can emerge…a phoenix?

When you vacillate between feeling numb – so much nothingness, to feeling so much you don’t know if you’ll be able to handle it.

And you wish more than anything to be able to silence the deafening cacophony of those thoughts.

via Daily Prompt: Cacophony

Brave

Bravery

Many people believe being brave means being fearless.

But the truth is, being brave means being scared shitless of something but doing it anyway.

It means doing things that you’ll likely fail at. Things that will make you look stupid. Things that others may laugh at you for. Or criticize you for. Or judge you for. Or even hate you for.

And the things you’re terrified of may be things that others aren’t. It’s ok. They are your fears to face.

And face them you must.

Becuase there is no growth on this side of safe.

via Daily Prompt: Brave

Ego

ego 2

I’m not good enough.

I’m such an idiot.

I’m so fat.

I don’t have enough time.

I’m broke.

Gary van Warmerdam said, “The ego is an identity of our own construction, an identity which is false.” Others have said the same.

I am choosing to believe them.

I’m calling my ego out. I’m letting go of those limiting beliefs.

At least I’m working on it. One day at a time. Well, really it’s more like one moment at a time.

Ego, you are the fraud.

 

Taco Tuesdays

Taco Tuesday

“This is a really good day,” Esther Hicks repeated. I believed her. But then my day spiraled out of control after getting news that my employment was uncertain. I yelled at my children. I spoke unkindly of others. I whined and complained.

I was upset that I let it get the best of me. I know better. I know thoughts influence feelings and that I can control that. But I didn’t. Not even the frankincense I kept inhaling would help me shake it.

I finally felt better after a venting session over a fun meal with good friends. I’m sure the beer helped, too. Taco Tuesdays are good like that.

So I’m trying again today, Esther. Only, I’m upping the ante. This will be an exceptional day.